Sunday, January 25, 2009

About That Last Post...

Let's just say that chemo hurts and no one told me about that. I heard things like, "you'll have 'crash' days", and "you'll feel tired or worn out", and "you might get sick but they have meds for that", and "it's hard but you'll get through it". I never anticipated the pain...in your bones...in your muscles and joints...and the headaches, wow. Unbelievable...and I was completely unprepared for it. I have been in bed most of the week and today I'm finally beginning to feel like my old self again.

I had to let go of some things this week and that was hard. My goal has been to keep doing what I love doing and this week, all of that went out the window. So I'm in this place where each day is no longer etched out with an agenda...deedee's agenda. Only God knows what tomorrow holds. And even though that's the way it ought to be, I love having a plan. I love knowing what's around the corner. And I'm guessing I'm about to learn to face life with a little less certainty. It won't be easy for this predictably routine girl, but I am learning such cool things about my Father...and that has been the goal all along: to know Him more.

This is an excerpt from my devo today with my BFF, Oswald Chambers.(He totally gets me!):

"As servants of God, we must learn to make room for Him-to give God 'elbow room.' We plan and figure and predict that this or that will happen, but we forget to make room for God to come in as He chooses....Do not look for God to come in a particular way, but do look for Him...Live in a constant state of expectancy, and leave room for God to come in as He decides."

Thanks for praying...it is truly my source of strength. And when I was too exhausted to read one more passage of scripture, your sweet comments, emails & text messages saved the day. I'm crazy about you!

7 comments:

Sheryl said...

It's so good to hear from you. I'm sorry that you're feeling so awful though! Although our "illnesses" are nothing alike, I do understand having to let go of plans. Not knowing what you'll be capable of doing.

Sounds like you already have shifted your attitude, knowing that this is time to really get to know God in a whole new way.

Love to you and keep writing when you can. Praying for you right now.

~Sheryl

The Schadooley Hometeam said...

Hang in there DeeDee! I just lifed you up and will continue to do so! Love you!

DA Wagners said...

I'm praying for your pain. I wish that we could spread it out amongst all of us; that way we would each get a little ache, but it wouldn't bother us too much!

I love the quote that you wrote. I'm learning how to be patient and perseptive to God's agenda. It's really hard because I like to plan and look forward to things . . . forever the optimist! Somehow I need to harness that energy into having trust in God's (seemingly) confusing plan.

Love ya, my sister. Although I haven't been able to see you much in this season of life, you are constantly on my heart!

Cindy said...

Hey there DeeDee,

I continue to pray.
I am sorry that you have had such a difficult week.
Every person going through cancer treatment responds differently.
There is no set pattern.
You can be forwarned about the "this happened to me" but you never know until "it is you".

Blessings are sent your way and if you forward your address to my email - I'll be able to get something in the mail to you soon!

Bless you,
Cindy

B His Girl said...

I hate that this hurts. I thought the same as you have heard about chemo. You are on the right track though. God is ordering your steps to renewed health. You encouraged me today to expect to see God in my day. I did through your post. Thanks. Praying for you Deedee.

Susie said...

I'm absorbing all you are learning DeeDee. Like Alisa, wish I could take some of this pain on for you. It really could happen to any of us at any moment. Love ya!

Anonymous said...

heyy deedee, love the blog... sooo cute! and hope you get feeling better!

~love you, brookie! :)