Let's just say that chemo hurts and no one told me about that. I heard things like, "you'll have 'crash' days", and "you'll feel tired or worn out", and "you might get sick but they have meds for that", and "it's hard but you'll get through it". I never anticipated the pain...in your bones...in your muscles and joints...and the headaches, wow. Unbelievable...and I was completely unprepared for it. I have been in bed most of the week and today I'm finally beginning to feel like my old self again.
I had to let go of some things this week and that was hard. My goal has been to keep doing what I love doing and this week, all of that went out the window. So I'm in this place where each day is no longer etched out with an agenda...deedee's agenda. Only God knows what tomorrow holds. And even though that's the way it ought to be, I love having a plan. I love knowing what's around the corner. And I'm guessing I'm about to learn to face life with a little less certainty. It won't be easy for this predictably routine girl, but I am learning such cool things about my Father...and that has been the goal all along: to know Him more.
This is an excerpt from my devo today with my BFF, Oswald Chambers.(He totally gets me!):
"As servants of God, we must learn to make room for Him-to give God 'elbow room.' We plan and figure and predict that this or that will happen, but we forget to make room for God to come in as He chooses....Do not look for God to come in a particular way, but do look for Him...Live in a constant state of expectancy, and leave room for God to come in as He decides."
Thanks for praying...it is truly my source of strength. And when I was too exhausted to read one more passage of scripture, your sweet comments, emails & text messages saved the day. I'm crazy about you!