Saturday, November 29, 2008

Life Interrupted...

For a couple of months now I have been looking forward to a trip to L.A. to be mentored by Kim McManus and the leaders of the SHE Community of Mosaic. One of my biggest disappointments came when I realized that cancer was about to interfere with some very special ministry opportunities. I carried my calendar to every appointment and respectfully pointed out to each new doctor that my schedule was quite full and the timing of all of this was extremely inconvenient. My (unrealistic) hope was that they would allow me to finish my ministry opportunities before treatment would begin. Not exactly how it went. The news was gently broken to me that I was not in control...of any of this. And that's when I realized that it was time to surrender my calendar, along with all my "dream dates", to the Lord. It's one of those moments where you really find out if you mean it when you say, "Not my will Lord, but Yours." There are some things I've tried to hold on to and have agonized over when I think about giving them up. But after spending some time with the Lord, I am reminded that He is the Dream Giver and I can trust every bit of my hopes and desires to the One who gave them to me in the first place. In fact, what I consider "interruptions", God deems another opportunity to glorify Him. And there is a sweet freedom when you let go of your own plans, and trust God to take you to places you've never been before...and would never go otherwise. The plane leaves for Los Angeles this Wednesday and I still don't know if I will be on it. I'm relentlessly nagging the Lord to let me go, but if He chooses not to, I am confident that His plans for me are me a hope and a future. And as I turn each uncertainty over to Him, I come to know Him more. And ultimately, that is my desire; to shamelessly love the Giver more than the gift. Heaven knows that He has already given me much more favor than this girl deserves. I read this sweet reminder today:

"True surrender is not a single action but a posture in life, yielding ourselves-our whole selves-to God. Breathtaking opportunities for surrender will surface throughout our lives, but grabbing hold of them begins below the surface, in the deep places of the soul where God is already preparing us not just for those moments, but for HIMSELF." -Margaret Feinberg

Oh, I love Him so! But the way that He loves...words cannot even begin to describe! And everytime I let Him have His way, His "interruptions" prove to be glorious.

We sang this in church last weekend:

How He Loves

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

-John Mark McMillan


Amanda said...

We sang that today with Cardboard Testimonies. How funny

Cindy said...

God will take you where HE needs you to be. He knows the desires of your heart AND...He also knows how to make His plans succeed as you trust in HIM.
I am praying for you friend,